At the end of each year, I like to reflect on the highs and lows to gather the most important lessons learned through my experiences.
I had gone into 2017 shifting my focus from the past year of developing myself professionally, onto focusing more energy onto my personal life — particularly wanting to make more time for my relationship, working to align our goals, and simply enjoy the reward of all the hard work together. Now, there are many things that can be said about love. I’ve stumbled in and out of enough relationships to know that one thing is certain — in love, things never happen as planned. With one unexpected event ultimately serving as the catalyst that ended my four-year relationship, the breakup undoubtedly dominated a majority of my lows and as a result, 2017 ended on a very emotional note for me.
It took some time (and continues to be a work in progress) to shift my mindset, but I eventually decided it was time to refocus and go into 2018 dedicated off-self and on purpose. Too often we focus on our personal wants and needs (the self) and tend to lose awareness of the one reasons we are doing anything to begin with (the purpose). When we go through the motions, it’s easy to unconsciously lose that focus. For me, it was about taking a step back after the lows of this year to look at the bigger picture and redefine each purpose in every area of my life. By doing so, I was able to redefine my approach to future relationships, work, and even things as simple as traveling — I decided that it was time to add value than harbor the negativity and emotions that came with the me-centric mindset.
Here are just a few things I’ve adopted from my off-self and on purpose mentality, and how it helped shift perspective from the more heartbreaking events that happened so close to the end of this year toward this new year.
1) Learn that breaking up or ending any relationship is not about letting go of the happiness or love that once existed, but it is about gratitude. Remember that you were able to add value to another’s life, and despite the circumstances in the end, there was a point where they did the same for you.
2) Practice detaching from anything with love, and to accept the fact that this may not always be reciprocated. I’ve always valued honesty and integrity most in relationships, and even though that often meant feeling hurt, it also always meant growing and learning to communicate more effectively.
3) Understand that how you react to anything will define you as a person. You can’t change someone else’s actions but you can change your response. If you’re intentional with this, you will cultivate more relationships with deeper meaning.
4) Remember that just because you are broken doesn’t mean you have to let go of who you are.
5) Realize that everything you’ve been wanting and needing actually already exists within yourself, and though it is important to become the best version of yourself, it may mean losing some toxic relationships and letting go of materialism.
I hope to continue filling my mental space in 2018 with my purpose and work on being more intentional — continually reminding myself the purpose of starting this blog was so I could add creative value in some capacity; that the purpose of moving to New York City was not to box myself in with preconceived notions about romantic or professional compatibility; and ultimately, remain in a state where I am adding value to each new experience I decide to embark on in the new year.
I want to thank you all for your continued support, and for allowing me to share my life in this space. This continues to be such a rewarding journey and I can’t wait to share more of all the positivity this next year will bring!
Happy New Year!